i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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