dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize