i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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