THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
