he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
