So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
