it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
