Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
