He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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