Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
