i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
