What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
