Ambien. No doubt about it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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