If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
