Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
