My balls are so social today.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
