I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
