in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
