I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
