The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
