just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
