I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize