Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
