billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
