I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
