1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
