Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize