No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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