There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
