We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
