I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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