come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I intend to get homeless drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
