i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize