I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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