ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
