My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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