I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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