I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Come share oat with me in your robe
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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