What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
