When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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