Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
