So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
