I wish my penis had an off switch
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
