Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
