I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
