can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
