from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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