I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
