Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
