I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
