Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
