The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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