If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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