If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
