Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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