im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
