my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
