Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
