Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
