Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize