but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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