It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
