thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize