Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
