She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize