She is in my trunk
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
