We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want a musical about memes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize