i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
