I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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