yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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