were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
