And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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