why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize